Les amis dure pour toujours

You know how this whole thing puzzles me? I have no idea where is the situation heading to, and know that I shouldn't care less because I'm making my way to the exit.

But part of me wants to keep it, not wishing that it will want to keep me as well, but just to have that lesson with me. Until now, I can't figure out what have I actually learnt. When I came across this, I felt it related to me somehow.

Never kiss a friend. If you have deeper feelings, never reveal them. You will lose that friend forever.

S is just another regret. It's a pity that we've started out as friends, became best friends, went into something deeper. And now we've end up with nothing. It was a big mistake to even get started three years ago, we should have just stayed the way we were. It was that feeling of guilt and people's opinion that got to this today.

I've made the last phone call almost two months ago, I've wrote and sent the last letter almost two months ago. I've done enough to make the first move to be friends but there's was no return. It seems like S preferred for it to be this way, I see no reason why I should force it upon ourselves either.

I'm happy the way I am now, but it would've been better if we're still on good terms, not the oh-my-god-should-I-say-hi-if-I-see-him, or will-he-run-off-if-he-sees-me kind of situation. It bothers me.